SURR-PROPHECIES FOR 2018

Translated by Jason Abdelhadi

January: Grave political crisis: The President of the Republic, having an intestinal dysfunction, resigns, followed by his cabinet.

February: Outbreak of a serious social epidemic of anarcho-syndicalism: no one wants to be a candidate in the presidential elections. The interest of the population turns only to legislascivious erections.

March: A power vacuum. The employers and the bankers are worried and decide to convene Congress.

April: The National Congress, with the agreement of the Constitutional Council and the Armed Forces, decide to celebrate, a little late, the bicentennial of the Restoration, by restoring the absolute monarchy. His Majesty Louis XIX (surname Capet) assumes full powers. His Majesty’s coronation takes place at the Notre Dame Cathedral in the presence of the clergy, all constituted bodies, and foreign ambassadors.

May: According to the French adage, “in May do what you may”, the King decides to grant his subjects a Charter of Rights, which restricts in draconian form individual and collective freedoms.

June: In order to send a strong signal to French society, Louis XIX decides to rebuild the fortress of the Bastille on top of the square of the same name. Thanks to 3D printing, the work is done in a few weeks. By means of a Lettre de Cachet, his Majesty orders the imprisonment in the restored fortress of the Marquis de Sade and the Major de l’Immensité. These two individuals are absent from their home, and so the royal police have to fall back on other characters dangerous to society: the artist Elise Aru, the poet Claude Cauët, the painter Guy Girard, the filmmaker Michel Zimbacca and their friends from la Société de l’Escalier*: all are  imprisoned without any other form of trial.

* “L’Escalier” is the name of the Café where the Paris Surrealist Group meets every week.

July: The year could have unfolded in calm and tranquility, if the above-mentioned characters had not thought of rousing the crowd with cries and songs, from the high windows of the Bastille. Thus, on 14 July 2016, an enraged plebeian crowd takes the fortress in an assault, freeing all the prisoners.

August: Unwilling to stop halfway, the plebs overthrow the monarchy. The King escapes with his life only by flying to one of the tax havens of the Bahamas.

September: Thanks to a solid alliance between the sans-culottes, the sans-shirts and the sans-bras (Delacroix, Liberty guiding the people), the insurgents are not slow to proclaim permanent revolution.

October: According to the popular French adage “in October do what you may”, the plebs decide to confiscate capital, break the State and dissolve the Army.

November: All together, a universal, egalitarian, libertarian and borderless republic is founded.

December: To celebrate the event, the Halley’s Comet passes through the heavens above Paris, well before its scheduled date (July 28, 2061).