IN THE BEGINNING, WAS PLEASURE

Thus it was, in that blasted dark beginning, that naught but she/he reined in void. Just a ball a floater just a globe of impish-pure procreative white…A galactic spermatozoa, hovering. A real stunner. But she/he hovered not long, for you see, it was all fun and game back then—in a word, it was all pleasure. And so that’s what we’ll call her her/him, eh, why not? Let’s call that little nonexistent nothing “PLEASURE”.

PLEASURE vomited out upon the deep. And—lo and behold—out came the very first slime. And the earth was slime, and the ocean was slime, and the creatures in it were all slime, too. Gooey slinking wonders, possessors of a thousand divergent genitalia. Male & female? Ha! Gender was a later stupidity-construct created by monk, don’t believe it for a second, forgettaboutit. Clear your head.

The first Walker came then, a burst from acidic ocean deep. And that Walker, he was an erect dinosaur. A jizz-boy hot on the trail. A snuff-belly with a ball and a chain and a catacomb in which to lay them. A darkness hot and mellow. He lived for the hunt, he did, and he dangled like disaster. He glowed in the tropical after-glow, melted in zig-zagging storms. A head real wide, a mouth like crystal chainsaw. Yet he wore those two white cotton socks of his like a grandmother’s trophy. The earth’s rivers? They ran a thick white, allconsumed as they were by his unending discharged internals. The earth’s forests? A deep drink of his swamp. And the purple ferns which covered the nubile earth, they would turn all inside-out whenever the old Walker passed them by. They made themselves the purest green of arousal. (Because green, as we paleontologists all know, is the only color of a vibrating carnal readiness…)

And then a second Walker arrived, and a third, and a forth—traveling via warm metallic satellite. Soon, all was trampled & post-coital. The flat earth grew a curve then, deciding to protect its new inner belly with crust. Big deal. The Walkers soon found themselves a network of gopher hole, and they copulated with that instead. The ancient strata shivered under Walker’s bold embrace, licking softly at the tips of his/her’s newly-red, ballooning lip. What followed then was an assortment of rather queer childbirths. First, a thousand sobbing baby iguanodons hatched out from the creamy brown head of an overblown mushroom….and then a musty old cumulonimbus drippeddown, body allwet in billion plateosaurus embryo cast-offs….and there was more, there was much more besides. A shame—I mean a relief—that we were not alive to see those pre-adamite horrors!

Unsatiated still, the Walkers soon began to copulate with other Walkers. No shame there! PLEASURE smiled at his/her’s handiwork, and then joined a squadron of rain moving off towards the as-yet-unborn Alpha Centauri system. “My work is done here!”, she/he is believed to have thought, among other mysterious platitudes.

Some say that we humans are descendants of these shameful Walkers. Others suggest that we don’t exist at all, and that we have never existed. Who to believe!? I, a humble paleontologist, am merely content to present my readership with the bare naked facts, and to let them decide for themselves.