Reports of nocturnal encounters with little furry cultural agents are increasing, typically in neighbourhood parking lots, back alleys and dumpsters. The animals in question may look cute and try to solicit sponsorships. “In fact,” says local art critic and rabies connoisseur Dr. Hackenbush, “they have a special secretory gland that emits a noxious miasma, that can hang around on clothes, hair, or in the fur of pets for weeks, in addition to causing temporary reputational awkwardness, depending on one’s intentions for the evening. Personally I wouldn’t risk dangling anything in their direction, despite my well-known penchant for dangling.” Residents who come across such creatures are encouraged to carefully submit 2-3 artworks of specified dimensions in order to avoid scaring them. They are then advised to back away slowly into the underbrush and await the arrival of some bigger scavenger or predator, who may chase them off after losing at Gin Rummy. “However,” says Dr. Hackenbush “they may gang up and try to cut deals for exhibition space. A pack of cultural agents is called a vernissage. In case of such an agglomeration, I can only recommend a ministerial grant—or rat poison should do the trick.” Residents who are heard loudly discussing artistic words such as “BRUSH”, “PALETTE”, “TUNAFISH” or “VAN EYCK” may be subject to complaints and eventual fines.
