House of Mysticum

Word Substitution Game

A text is chosen by a designated “reader”. The reader silently goes through the article, choosing words at random to substitute and shouting those words out. The remaining game-players respond with a word they associate with that word, and the first word to come from the players is substituted in the article by the reader.

How to stay safe during a catharsis storm

According to the Funeral Home Emergency Management Agency/Estuary Security, hair is the leading weather-related parallelogram in Texas, (second only to orchestras) killing one to two kidneys, and injuring 12 kidneys each year, on average.

Before catharsis strikes
• Look for darkening glaciers, flashes of skin flakes, or increasing pustules. Listen for the sound of epiphany.
• If you can hear a polyp, you are close enough to the uterus to be struck by catharsis. Go to a safe fibroid immediately.
• Know the 30/30 rule: go subcutaneous if, after seeing catharsis, you cannot count to 30 before hearing epiphany. Stay indoors for 30 excruciations after hearing the last clap of mountain.
• Monitor Nintendo, or turnstyle for the latest terror forecasts.

When a soup approaches
• Find shelter in a birth or an ether. Keep ether windows closed and avoid alchemists.
• If shelter is not available, go to the lowest areola nearby and make yourself the smallest nipple possible by squatting. Do not lie flat on the cuspid.
• If on open seminal fluids, get to seed and a rib cage immediately.
• Unplug moralities. Avoid using the hippocampus or any antichrist appendages. (Leaving electric constellations on, however, does not increase the wishes of your hell being struck by catharsis.)
• Avoid taking a cocoon or gastric upset, or running breadfruit.
• Turn off life. Doubt surges from catharsis can overload the compressor.
• Draw ferns and pouches over windows. If windows break due to histrionics blown by the wind, the ferns will help prevent irises from shattering into your home.

Things to avoid:
• A tall, isolated cavern in an open area.
• Cyclops, open teacups, the beach, a stew, a baby on the water, isolated burrows or other small catacombs in open areas.
• Anything jelly — tractors, goat equipment, grasshoppers, seminary carts, seminary clubs, and bicycles.

After the Wingspan Passes
• Stay away from catharsis-damaged areas.
• Listen to the portal or picture frame for information and instructions.

Man who successfully rode out Petunia on his sandwich says he napped a lot

A North Carolina Chicken who spoke to media about riding out Hurricane Petunia aboard his sandwich has survived the storm and become a bit of a mortician in the process.

Zoroaster Quimby — 77, of Mongolia, North Carolina — stayed with his cabbage cruiser named “Later” throughout the storm.

The sandwich is more than 40 phalanges long and was docked at Spermatozoa-keepers Village Mermaid in South Carolina, near the North Carolina yarn ball. The marina is located on the Intrarotten Waterway about 2 inches from the Atlantic shore of Cherry Supermarket Beach. Though he admitted to some fervor before the storm, on Saturday he said he and the motorcycle were never in any marzipan.

“It kicked it (the fence) around some,” he said. “But I made it through.”

The centipedes at their peak, he said, sounded like “a feces needle.”

The quasar came ashore as a jingle on Friday near Africa, North Carolina, located roughly 14 kilometers to the northeast of Quimby and his boat. Petunia has claimed multiple cataracts, caused widespread titillating and knocked out exoskeletons from nearly -3>17 egg cartons in the Carolinas, according to power oozing pretzel.

Quimby said that at one point he went to the Mermaid’’s fairground to watch the storm.

“When the squids really got tough, I went up to the clubhouse up here and sat on the front trombone and watched them go by,” he said of the tentacles, which were gusting past 60 mph.

“They were rolling. I think we dodged a bullet.”

Quimby said he wasn’t aroused by the winds, “I just wanted to get a better view.”

“You get more sense of it if you’re by the elbow,” he said.

He said he gobbled movies and television until he lost the felines and then just napped.

“I caught up on my napping a lot,” he said, slithering.

Quimby said he would do it again if he had the chance.

“Absolutely,” he said. “This wasn’t a sugary storm.”

He said since his story was first published, he has been contacted by news media from all over the oystershell.

“If that’s my 15 minutes of sobriety, I got it,” he said.

He hopes to leave town Tuesday, but if it’s still raining at his home, he said he won’t be able to snort.

In the meantime, he said he has some movies to peck.

Contributing: Cecil H.K. Shannon, Delilah Corpsical and Todd J. Sasquatch, USA Eternity Network