Burial at Sea Game

Directions: Choose one ocean-related object, creature, or geological feature and write a surrealist obituary for it.

Gulf Stream

We mourn with great emotion the passing of our beloved Gulf Stream. The hot ghost water of speed and mania, a futurist yellow brick road of the deep, she was the finest expressway between the lost continent of Atlantis and the mouth-watering homeland of the Caribs and the Panther Gods. It was she, a river painted in the ocean, who wafted the strange objects and flora of the New World to the shores of rank Christendom long before the goblin-headed explorers and their sticks of fire made their oceanic journey of pillage upon whale-corpses of pine and fury. Growing more conservative in her later years, she carried with much controversy the conquistadors who so thoroughly wiped out the pre-columbian civilizations of South America, and when called upon again, she hauled much stolen Mayan, Incan and Aztec booty back to Europe to pleasure her idle aristocrats. Yet despite her faults, we mourn her passing. An open cleft funeral will be held with a sermon by her one-time lover, the Super-Saragossa Sea.

Jason Abdelhadi

The Seven Seas

I mourn the passing of all seven seas as they flowed up Poseidon and Neptune’s lovely faces like tears in reverse.

Stephen Kirin

Mariana Trench

Mariana Trench, though long-lived, has on the third Thursday of the 1187th year of the Tentacular Era achieved fatality. This had been a goal long sought for by the late Mariana Trench and was brought about finally by a massive arterial disintegration. Mariana leaves behind a gaping hole which may never be filled or conceived of in its immensity. Services will be held indefinitely and all are welcome to participate.

Casi Cline

Aurelia aurita

Aurelia aurita, or Moon Jelly, as it was affectionally known, passed away this winter, but this fact was not noted until yesterday. Moon Jelly was happy to spend its time floating in the ocean, doing the usual jellyfish things, but was shocked when it discovered that its ocean was in fact just a small tank placed in an old aquarium. Moon Jelly spent the rest of it’s days in a melancholic mood, making faces back at the children making faces at it on the other side of the glass. These face-making matches sometimes degenerated into shocking profanity and spittle throwing, but the winner was almost always Moon Jelly, whose knowledge of the profane arts was legendary. She died cursing the land and all it stood for, promising to return as a vengeful spirit. Services will be held in the stingray tank.

Steven Cline

Leafy Sea Dragon

In Loving Memory of Leafy Sea Dragon / Thine is the Fragile Magic of Thy Slickity-Slackity Grace, / Where Tickety-Tockety Go Thy Days, / Waltzing Through Progress, Tempests and Gales, / Rule Chance, Come Death, and the Sea’s Embrace.

Maurizio Brancaleoni

The Red-Lipped Batfish

The Red-Lipped Batfish (nee Mead) who died on August 18, 2016, at age 44,was a louche Galapogos aristocrat with a reputation for heroin and alcohol abuse, and a moderately successful Easter Island pimp. When not flattened from life on the seafloor and adapted to walk on modified pectoral and pelvic fins, Meady, as he was known around diplomatic circles, was prone to metaphor, imagining he had child like hands that could wrap themselves around the voluptuous Spanish Dancer Nudibranch. Although moderately successful as a writer of sea adventure fiction, he will be mostly remembered as an avid collector of wounded statues. He is survived by his daughter The Mosaic Jellyfish, former flapper and herself not prone to scandal, and her beloved Scotch terrier, Smokey. Funeral Services will be held on Monday, August 22 on Floreana island, down the wall that leads to starving children, where visitation will be held from 11am to 3pm. Coral is appreciated and encouraged. Memorial contributions may be made to the Island’s Oceanic Tea Cup Full Of Dreams fund, with whom Meady was photographed on the day of his death.

Arthur Spota

Spanish Dancer Nudibranch

Maria Bonita Chin-A-Choy (DaCosta), the exquisite Spanish Dancer Nudibranch, passed from her earthly coil on Saturday, July 14th, 2009, allegedly taken by the tiny hands of a deranged Red-Lipped Batfish in a drug-fueled economic dispute. Maria, an overweight creature of wit and warmth, was a card-carrying member of The Mission Street Visitation, an Osirian diner renowned for their pure dreams entrée served with all the intricacies of a melting Esoterist. Working as a Neurological Deprogramming pit boss for nearly 23 years at her local freshwater Molluscs Habitat, she made history in 1961 by being the first Nudibranch to be appointed as Divine Infantry Oracle during the devastating 27 minute Insect War. She will always be remembered for her love of undressing for the Lemurian misanthropy enigmas, gastropod racing and of never having written a word that was not spoken. She is survived by her devoted Blob Sculpin, Bob, who spent all of his past lives as an impersonator of French Vice-Admiral de Brueys in the failed coup of the Buffalo Bill Wild West Revue of 1885. Services will commence at the feet of Pacific lepers by Oedipus Hall. Contributions will be triple crossed at this time.

Arthur Spota

Beche de Mer

Beche de Mer. Affectionally know to her many friends and family ‘Vi’ passed away recently as the result of plastic contamination of the oceans. She struggled for many years but her doctors failed to connect the ingestion of discarded plastics with her ill-health. She will be sadly missed by her husband, Leviticus, and children Robbie (34), Bianca 46 and Mede (39), her grandchildren Scriabin, Mortlake and Salsalito. Beche de Mer is remembered for her contribution to Asian cuisine and her ability to turn herself inside out when molested and evert her intestines over her attacker. Sadly missed.

Tim White


No longer with us, leaving behind a carousel filled with buckles for hat-obsessed Danish charmers who plucked pearls from the evening conversations. The vertigo was missing the twelfth Thursday of our new timetabled horse. “Featured Tomatoes Have No More Ideas Than The Old Crooks!” was shouted fourteen times by the closest surviving relatives. Services will be thrown over the arm of a rocking chair without reverence on the day before the world-for-parasites collapses.

Karl Howeth


Asterias escaped this mortal realm after making his last wildly confusing and probably sarcastic comment “It seems she lacks experience on her overseas experience and…..”. He never realized his life goal of reaching the summit, but made it to the deepest depths of nadir. Fortunate were the corals embracing their quinted-shaped patron during the sandy years of the great heavy sea. There will be no viewing since his aquatic family refuses to honor his request to have him lying on the grand dotted shell shrouded by sea-weed and urchins, lobster jelly-fished grains.

Maria Brothers